Beautiful Connections

“Beautiful, Beautiful,

Oh I am lost for more to say.”

-Kari Jobe, Beautiful

Getting out of bed this morning was really hard.  Sure, there was the standard post-holiday-Monday blues, but something more. A heaviness followed me into my day today.  Dreams of “other shoes dropping” and such haunted my Sunday night slumber- nightmares that riled up all manner of fear and vulnerability and left a pall over the sunny morning.

Thirteen years ago, I fell down and broke my crown….no, I mean literally bonked my noggin hard.  Hard enough to cause a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Hard enough to forget who I was. Hard enough to forget how to speak.  It was a terrifying and lonely year stuck inside my own head, unable to communicate…having to relearn the names of numbers and letters and objects and people that I loved. It was the hardest and darkest time I have ever had to live through.

And I don’t EVER want to go back there…..not ever.

Last night, I dreamed I did.  Last night was the stuff of my worst nightmares, and when I woke this morning, I carried that sadness and fear with me into my day.  I didn’t talk about it though (can anyone say vulnerable?), I was afraid my mascara might run. I just slapped some pretty pink lipstick on it and kept on keeping on.

I am not really sure why these memories are flaring up now.  Why these demons laid to rest over long fought months are rearing ugly heads today.

I think it may have something to do with the Alzheimer’s class I am teaching at Home Instead Senior Care.  I use my experiences to help our Caregivers understand what our clients are going through. Maybe staying in that space is dredging up baggage I thought long put away.But I do know that God opened a safe space for me to talk through the fear tonight after class in the most beautiful, unexpected way.

I love how he creates connections for us.  Beautiful connections…I love how each person is such a beautiful gift to the world with a story to unwrap and unfold.  As the students were leaving class tonight, one lingered. We began to talk and share…we found connection and interest, and before long were talking about my TBI and my rehab and then….out of nowhere….my fear. And then she shared her story and her fear, and together, well I felt, not so alone in it.  It was a beautiful moment of connection…one of many I have enjoyed through the teaching of this class.

As I drove home, I picked up a cd in the dark and popped it in the player…The first song, “Beautiful” by Kari Jobe. As I sang along, I felt the fear in me melt away.The sadness pushed back to dark corners by the force of the notes pushed out of my lungs as I laid my burdens down. And my heart felt light and free again.

Thank you, Jesus, for beautiful connections, for divine appointments, and even, Lord for the hard memories that help me encourage empathy in others.  Thank you for people who create safe places just with their presence and for music that allows our prayers to leave our hearts without having to fully grasp what is needed.   

His,

“Here before your altar, I am letting go of all I’ve held.

Of every motive, every burden, everything that’s of myself.”

Five Minute Friday- Light

 

On Fridays around these parts we stop, drop, and write.

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

Here are the rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link backhere and invite others to join in.

3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Today’s prompt is:  Light

Ready? GO!

“Every secret, every shame
Every fear, every pain
Live inside the dark
But that’s not who we are
We are children of the day”- Kari Jobe, “We Are”

This week our church is performing an Easter drama called “The Savior and the Scarlet Thread.”  Our congregation has been known in the past for these dramas and folks used to come from all over to view them.  My own husband received Christ during the drama in 2003, on among many.  We moved to a new location several years ago and haven’t done a drama in six years.  We thought this would be a building year.

A year of small sets and little dialogue.

A year of small crowds and a little buzz.

A year of well-known songs and a revamped script used in years past.

But God had other plans….

The set is stunning…our set design team turned our multi-purpose room (we meet in a gymna-audi-cafetorium) into first century Jerusalem.

The story is told completely through the dialogue of our actors with very little pre-recorded narration. They cover huge parts of the Old Testament, the Nativity, the three kings AND the ministry, death, burial, resurrection and ascension of Jesus in under two hours. I am amazed.

We have “sold out” (tickets are free) every performance….over 5,000 tickets! Last night there were nearly 700 people in attendance.  People are coming from all over to view this drama.

I am stunned by the work God has done through our church and IN our church during this time of preparation! I am honored to be a part of Jesus’ story and be a part of sharing His light with the world in this way that uses a skill set in me that I don’t get to put to use nearly enough. I am blessed by this very real physical reminder that this is my “job” here on earth….my great commission.

To be the light….To push back the darkness and death of this world with the message that there is truth and light and LIFE only in Christ Jesus.

I read once (I can’t remember where, but the man who wrote it got up in my kitchen!) that we are not meant to reflect Christ’s light like a mirror, for in reflection the mirror is not changed by the light…it merely bounces off and shines on others. We are meant to refract the light like a prism.  The light then enters into the prism and is reflected out in a way that is unique to each individual prism. In a way that is personal and beautiful and relate-able.

Lord make me your prism today….let me refract your Light.  Permeate my soul and everything I do, so that your spirit overflows on all around me.  Let me be your light today. 

“We are the light, we are the light, we are the light. So let your light shine brighter.”

 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. – Matthew 5:14-16

STOP!