Rapha….to release…to let go….
It’s been so very long since I have written in this space. So very long since my words have been released out into the ether for people to read.
So much has happened over the last two years, and especially, over this last year in my life. It has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. But so rich…so full of beauty and adventures. I have been holding onto the stories of this last season, waiting for complete healing and understanding before I share. Waiting to arrive at a destination of wholeness to start leaving bread crumbs for others.
I am not there yet…
I begin writing from the journey not the destination. I am learning so much in the season, and I feel the distinct call of God to share it from this space. Someone, somewhere needs to hear this and I need to write it…so here goes…today…this day of Thanksgiving…I begin.
And I begin by saying, “Thank you…”
I need to take a moment to thank my pack….not my tribe…my pack (look for a post explaining that statement!) I have learned so much about safe spaces for full vulnerability. I have learned so much about who to allow to speak into your life- who gets the opportunity to challenge your identity and your value. I have learned so much about relationship and life.
I lost myself completely. In doing so, I lost so much….my faith, my relationships began to suffer, and in the process, I lost the guiding message of my life….that the ONLY entity that has the right and voice to speak to my identity and value is God. I gave away that power to a person…and it nearly destroyed me.
But God is faithful…and never leaves us…and He never left me in that season. He spoke to me through the people He placed in my life to call out that I had run myself into the ditch. People who continuously questioned my thinking and didn’t give up on me….even when I made mistakes…even when I acted out of character.
I cannot thank these people enough. These light bearers kept shining on me….wouldn’t leave me no matter how I pushed away. And I thank God for them every morning when my eyes open. Thank you for my friends, for my family, for my pack that gathered around me, that nursed me back to health, who prayed and listened and sat silently with me when I didn’t have words or the strength to speak. They came for me not once, not twice, but over and over and over again…and I am here today because of them.
I want to share what I have learned with you…leave bread crumbs along the path…I’m steering clear of labeling the journey because I think what I have to share with you is so applicable to life as a whole…so here we go…a return to this space. A return to writing. A return to sharing.
I’ll be honest, I’m a little rusty. It’s been years since I’ve written anywhere other than my journal. And I am scared to death to share this story with you. But I am leaping anyway.
Love to you all,